The time is 8pm. I am sitting across from my aunt and uncle who I only get to see once every few years at best. Another aunt and uncle sit in the adjoining room folding napkins for my cousin's impending wedding the following night.
I cherish moments such as these. In fact, I cannot get enough of them. My husband sits next to me, exhausted from the day and ready to go back to where we are staying, but he couldn't peel me away from my seat even if he tried.
I don't know how many more moments like this I will get. My dad is the youngest sibling at 65, and the oldest sibling 80. Their wisdom of the LORD seeps off of them, abounding far greater than the gray hairs of their heads or wrinkles of their hands, and I intend to absorb every bit of it that I can humanly obtain.
My Uncle Dave asks me if I am currently serving in my church family. I inform him that for the first time in my 32 years of life, I am not. I continue to share with him the two chips on my shoulder I hold with today's church.
I begin with complete awareness that they are nothing more than mere excuses, and yet I remain pigeonholed regardless.
The first chip is this-in my journey of healing my lifelong autoimmune disease I have come to learn the importance of rest in a way I didn't understand it before. The importance of moments in the sun; barefoot toes in the grass; body wading in the shores of God's boundless oceans. I explained that how, for the first time in a very long time, I understand, that by the blood of the Lamb, I didn't have to remain in a mindset of sickness and condemnation. Rather, through redemption I could claim my Spirit as Sovereign; a coheir to the throne; someone who had access to the healing that God created our bodies with centuries ago when he placed man and woman in the garden. I continue to say (as most people do), that I give so much of myself Monday-Saturday, that when Sunday rolls around I just want to sit in church and give no more. To take a Sabbath.
Even this, I explain, stirs an internal battle in me. While I know scriptures talk about rest and taking care of our temples, no where do I read Jesus say the call to come after him includes basking in the sun, drinking adrenal cocktails, and instructions on how to best regulate our hormones. On the contrary, his call is to deny ourselves and pick up our crosses.
This earth isn't my paradise, so why am I trying so hard to make it so? It is a dying world filled with dying souls. Therefore, my time is much better spent focused on the death of other's souls versus focused on teaching them how to avoid the inevitable death of their bodies.
Yet, I want everyone to experience the profound healing I have, and somehow, I find myself at a crossroads of what serving the Kingdom looks like while honoring how I give of my body's energy and teaching other women to do the same. Thus, the conundrum remains.
The second chip is this-when I read scripture and look at Jesus' ministry along with the early church and compare it to today's church, all I can think is how far have we gone from what Jesus actually intended. To this point, I am no longer sure how I want to be involved with a church construction that is far from its intended design.
And then the imparted wisdom I am so desperately not ready to lose.
To the latter my uncle answered first.
"Today's church is not what Jesus created. It is not the church his disciples wrote about, instructed on, and were martyred for. But it is the church we have today, and its reconstruction is not going to come from the pastors or the elders (though needed vessels). It's going to come from women like you sitting in its pews, being an active participant in the daily ongoing of the church."
To the former he explained-"You speak of physical rest, which surely God knows we need and wants us to have, but when God instructed us on a Sabbath it was not for a day of physical rest, but a day of resting in the LORD. Even Jesus got tired and went away from his disciples and ministry, but when he did so, it was to be in commune with His Father; knowing that human rest can only restore us for a moment, but resting in the LORD can sustain our every need and fuel us for our true and only purpose as those who have been called-to go out and be vessels for the furthering of the Kingdom of God. The Sabbath is designed to meditate on the Word of God, as we actively seek His face so that we may be equipped to walk out His calling during the week ahead."
My aunt added that when we are obedient in these things, the LORD opens up the doors and time for the other things in our lives that we claim to be holding us back from serving in the church.
What they said hit me square in the face with humble pie. To doubt that God hasn't already put in place the perfect rhythm for our lives so that we may effectively serve Him. To seek strength and restoration in my own power rather than resting in the LORD to draw upon His unending strength. To think that I know better than Him as to what the church should look like and how to best serve Him. I am merely a vessel. A vessel made whole. No longer bound to chains of my flesh, but a temple for the Kingdom of God. In between the Garden that was and the Garden that is to come. A sovereign Spirit learning how to yield to the rhythm of God and not the rhythm of self.
A Spirit ready to restore my ideal of Sabbath and set it on God's design. Not moments of self care that we set aside for physical restoration-No. These things are mere beautiful blessing we partake in that give us the opportunity to thank our God who always provides. Instead, may we seek the true Sabbath essential-Our King. May we shift from seeking moments to rest in ourselves and find moments of rest in our Creator. The one whose image we bear. The true sustainer and giver of eternal rest. That in doing so, we are given the ultimate capacity to not only serve our family and household, but to serve the household of God and increase the families which reside in it.
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